Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Climb

As you sit down and fasten your seat belt, your heart begins to race. You know the track. You've seen the twists and curves that lie ahead of you. Yet, there is still a sense of nervous anticipation in the pit of your belly.

As you begin your climb, you try to distract yourself. You admire the shrinking scenery around you as you get closer and closer to the top.

Suddenly you have reached the apex. For what seems like an eternity you are staring over the edge, knowing that in a split second you will be hurling towards a new adventure.

It's exhilarating.
It's terrifying.

It's life.

The roller coaster metaphor is applicable in many of life's moments. Anytime a big change is on the horizon, it's easy to liken it to that feeling of being on a coaster about to plummet into a free fall.

I'm on such a track right now.

As my pregnancy comes to an end and I prepare to bring Baby Boy #2-yes, we STILL can't decide on a name- into this family, I find myself caught up in a whirlwind of emotions.

Elation. I feel so blessed to be adding to our family and love the fact that Jack will have a brother to play with.

Guilt. I wonder if I've given Jack enough time as the only child. I sometimes fear he'll resent us for bringing a sibling into the mix so soon. I feel bad knowing that the days when it's "just us" are fleeting. I find myself constantly saying things like, "your my favorite little boy" and I know that soon I will not be able to say such things.

 Excitement. The thought of 2 little boys running around together always makes me smile. Watching them grow up and our family growing closer excites me!

Anxiety. My life and home are about to be turned upside down. I wonder how much the dynamic of our household will change. What will this baby's temperament be?  How will this newest change affect my marriage and relationship with my son??

I keep trying to tell this little voice inside me to shut up, to not worry so much about things I can't control. I know that many of the fears I have will never actually come to fruition and that there will be other "surprises" that I've never anticipated that will surely creep up on me. I understand that this anxiety is normal, yet I wish I could just push it all aside and savor these last few weeks as our close little family of 3.

Just breathe and enjoy the ride...

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