I used to be BFF's with Facebook. I was sucked in like everyone else and spent most of my free time "liking" peoples statuses and playing Farkle into the wee hours of the night. One of my dear friends used to text me and tell me to meet her in the Uno lounge on a nightly basis. I hope you aren't too overwhelmed by my coolness. But then I found Twitter and started giving Facebook the cold shoulder. I still check it daily and use it to connect with old friends here and there, but ever since my parents "friended" me it just hasn't been the same.
I also began to realize that a lot of my facebook friends fell into 5 annoying categories.
Are you friends with any of these people? Or worse...Are you one of these people??
#1 The Over sharer: No detail is too personal or mundane for this friend. When they aren't grossing you out with pics of their latest "minor procedure", they are updating their status with each and every detail of their daily encounters. Even though you haven't seen them in years you still know that their daughter has IBS, their dog has an undecended testicle and their dishwasher is on the fritz...again. They check into foursquare every time they go somewhere and tag everyone with them. They also post pictures daily of their pets, children, surroundings, household projects, and said medical procedures.
#2 The Complainer: This person just can't catch a break. They post numerous status updates a day telling everyone how much their life sucks. Every few days this person will post an update saying that they feel "incredibly blessed" or "So lucky for wonderful friends and family" or my personal fav "I really feel like things are starting to turn around". This post is inevitably followed by 10 more updates saying how miserable they are at their job, relationship, or life.These people are also Debbie Downers on other peoples updates and like to burst other peoples bubbles. Complainers are the driving force behind the campaign for a "Dislike" button.
#3 The Facebook Fanatic: You sometimes wonder if this person has a life because they seem to spend every waking moment on Facebook. Your news feed is littered with numerous posts about the hidden jewels they found or the Fouls they are raising in Farmville. When you post an update, they have commented on it no sooner than the moment you've hit send. Their profile lists 78,963 Facebook Fan pages that they belong to and you have 903 notifications from them asking them to join along. Their status updates usually include some facebook activity they are participating in such as " Can't sleep. Need more Farmville Fouls...please message me if you have any". They haven't met an update or comment that they didn't "like" and they are often not tagged in pictures because they don't get out much.
#4 The Faker: Most often this is a person from high school that was shy or a bit of a poser. But now they have an AMAZING life and have friended everyone from their class so they can show how successful they have become.This person's soul mission is to make their life looks like a dream come true. They have the perfect family, perfect house, and an easy breezy life. Their wall isn't full of conversations with friends but rather full of pictures from their latest vacation or the latest social event they are attending. They don't post status updates often, but when they do it is all sunshine, rainbows, and gummi bears. It is very specific so that all their everyone can comment on how jealous they are. These updates usually go something like this: "OMG!! I have the greatest husband EVER!!!! He finally got me the new Coach purse I wanted!!!" or "6 more days until my exotic Caribbean vacation!! Time to go shopping!!!!" They frequently over use exclamation points, ALL CAPS and overly posed pictures. They hardly ever comment on other peoples updates because they are too busy enjoying their fabulous life.
#5 The Obscure Referencer: This person has never had an actual profile pic of themselves. As a matter of fact all of their photos are a symbol or artistic picture. Their status updates often seem to be in secret code though you are not sure who they are speaking to because no one ever comments on them or posts on their wall. When not speaking in code, all other references come in the form of quote or song lyric. They offer almost no detailed personal information and instead list their hometown as "Area 51" and their school as "Sweet Valley High". Though it says you have 45 mutual friends you often wonder if you really even know who this person is.