Friday, March 25, 2011

Who Knew??

After Jack was born, Kevin and I started to think about when we would bring another child into the mix. We decided that before Jack turned 2 we would start trying again.
But last September as Jack's 1st birthday was quickly approaching, I found myself suddenly struck with a severe case of baby fever.
I tried to talk my self out of it.
It's too soon, I would say.
2 under 2?? Was I crazy?
But I couldn't squander the feelings. So this past September my husband & I decided to start "trying" for baby #2.
I say "trying" with intentional air quotes because there was really little to no effort on either of our parts. We weren't avoiding it but with often opposite work schedules, finding the time to get down to business wasn't ever easy. So "trying" is a strong word to use in this case.
We mostly just settled on letting whatever happen happen.
Kind of.
Though the past few months I tried my best to play it cool, I silently wondered if this was the month.
These past 2 months I was convinced I was pregnant. I swore up and down I was suffering from the early signs of pregnancy.
And month after month...nothing.
My body was messing with me.
So this month, I felt fine. Maybe it was all the plans I had, like a wine tasting and my birthday. But for once I wasn't really thinking about it.
And when I was late I didn't freak out and pee on a stick. I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And then my best friend came over. We talked about wine and sushi and suddenly it occurred to me that I still hadn't gotten my period. I checked my phone to see how late I was. Since I am too lazy to keep track of these things the old fashioned way, I downloaded an app to do it for me. Yet another benefit of today's smart phones.  I was 5 days late and since raw fish and alcohol are typically frowned upon during pregnancy we decided to go out and get a test.

As I was getting ready to take it, I fully expected it to be negative. Just like every other test I had taken in the past few months. I was convinced that this was simply another trick my body was playing on me and chalked being late up to my doctors playing around with my Thyroid medication dosages.
Except it wasn't.

And just like the test I took with Jack those 2 pink lines appeared almost immediately.

So Bloggie Friends, I'm coming out with it...
My ego is preggo.

I went back and forth in my head about writing this post. Having suffered a miscarriage myself I know that it is usually best to keep this news under wraps for the next few weeks. But every time I sat to write a post, nothing came. And soon I realized that it was because I was holding back. Because this little slice of the Internet is like home to me. I write as a way to process my thoughts, to express the way I feel. So to hide this very big part of my life right now just seems unnatural.

I am over the moon excited but I am also scared. These next few weeks are so nerve wracking and I have all these nagging "what if's" running in the back of my mind. I try to block them out, but I inherited a wee bit of craziness from my mother, so sometimes it's difficult. Like today when our power when out and I had to flip the fuse back on. Any normal and sane person would do so and be fine. But after I flipped the switch and the box literally zapped at me, I suddenly began to wonder if I just exposed my unborn fetus to a harmful amount of electricity. What sane person thinks that??

It's going to be a long 9 months....