Monday, February 15, 2010

Love, hearts, and mushy stuff

I'm not normally a Valentine's Day person, but having a child softens your heart and turns it to mush sometimes, so today I feel particularly sappy.

I always knew that when my child was born I would love him more than I had ever loved anything before. But I never knew I would love him THISMUCH. I never knew that a smile from him, one that radiates from his big blue eyes and consumes his whole face, would make me forget about anything else going on. I never knew that I would miss him, even when he is just sleeping peacefully in the next room. And I certainly never knew that I would sleep better with him in my arms because he is soft, warm, and when he nuzzles in to my neck and puts his little arm on my chest I feel such a sense of peace I fall asleep with him. Sometimes when I'm not even tired.

I also never knew that my love for my husband would multiply by a million when our son was born. I remember lying in bed the night they wheeled Jackson in our room. I was confined to the bed because of my c-section and was still a little out of it. At one point I woke up and saw this

And I fell in love-with them both-a million times over. Before Jackson, Kevin was never a "baby" person. He was afraid to hold them and balked at the idea of changing a diaper. But on that night, when he held his little boy for the first time, he softened into the teddy bear I knew he would become. And as I watched him take care of him that night, I felt proud and I felt a new sense of love and admiration for the man I married. We were a family now, my life would never be the same again.

I've always loved Kevin and knew that I made the best decision of my life when I married him, but there is something about seeing your spouse with your child that makes you love them in a whole new way. I could spend all day watching the two of them together.

And my little boy. I feel so torn because I wish he could stay this little in my arms forever, but I also can't wait to see the person he is going to grow into. He amazes me every day and makes me feel so grateful for life. One of my new favorite quotes:

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”Elizabeth Stone quotes
and he is living proof...


No comments: