Dear Satellite Provider,
Thank you for wasting 30 minutes of my day telling me how to fix my DVR. I thought the whole point of calling to report a problem was so YOU could fix it. I didn't know I was hired on as one of your technicians, but I'll be expecting a paycheck for the services I've rendered.
PS: Since said problem couldn't be fixed over the phone, thank you so much for waiving the SERVICE FEE for someone to come out and fix the problem with YOUR PRODUCT. I don't understand why I would have to pay this in the first place, since I'm not the one that broke it and you all can't figure out what is wrong with it, but nonetheless I am honored that you waived the fee for, as you say, such a loyal customer like myself.